So I went over the number of purges I was allowing myself this week oops and I don’t feel any thinner for it I feel bigger and I know it’s because I didn’t puke it all up goddamn me.
The weather is changing. I can taste the back of my throat, raw. How do you keep breathing? My fingers are covered in tiny cuts, snags on teeth. I can see my insides but still there isn’t any blood. This wind is making the hairs on my arms stand up. How do you keep breathing? When I lost the suitcase you bought me secondhand I thought you would be angry so I went and bought a new one. I scuffed it up against chairs, on the floor, chipped the paint off layer by layer. I couldn’t do anything about the lining though and you noticed immediately like I knew you would. Your laugh makes my ears grow hot. How do you keep breathing? I take a drag off my cigarette and taste vomit in my mouth. They say I can get better, but there’s a fear wrapped around my heart, squeezing so tight I think I might faint. How do you keep breathing?